Life life life....

Hello All! I don't think very many people actually read our blog, and that is OK, since I rarely post anything! :) My sweet husband and I have been married for 18 months! WOW! I think often of all that has happened in my life in the past few years and the only constant, besides my husband and our families, seems to be change. And it kinda stinks. Recently we have began the process of looking for our home. For those of you who are looking or have recently purchased a home, you understand how I feel when I say "UGH." I wish this whole mess was a lot easier! We have only been looking for a month, but it feels like we have been looking for much much longer. I am sure the fact that we are "itching" for our own space is making this much more difficult and emotionally draining than it actually is. No worries, I haven't started pulling my hair out... yet. Apart from looking for our home, we are enjoying the beautiful life our Father in Heaven has blessed us with. I have been SUPER emotional for the last couple of months, I blame the house hunting, I am constantly praying to Father for peace and comfort to know that we are going to find a place to call "home." That I will be stable throughout all of this. Those of you who know Nick and I well, understand the roller coaster we have been on for our 18 months of marriage. We are so ready to get off this ride and settle into a place of our own, where we can begin our family and set down our own "roots." I know my Mother and Father enjoy having us in their home and we are and will forever be eternally grateful for their generosity in allowing us to live with them, but there comes a time when a family needs a space of their own. Those of you who have ever lived with relatives will know what I mean. So, what fun and joyful things have happened to us recently? Well, I have been working for the past six months as the Head Pastry Chef at Sassy's Cafe and Bakery in Mesa, what fun and stress I find there. Nick has been working at a company called Device Engineering for almost a year now! He seems to enjoy it, most days. The work is tedious and repetitive and I know he is anxious to be finished with his schooling, but he has a ways to go still. We are both grateful for his summer off from school, we actually get to see each other in the evenings and it's such a treat! Our summer has been full of fun already! We spent a nice weekend in Santa Monica and Anaheim, California with our good friends, Scott and Mimi, and we also spent a nice weekend "camping" at the Homestead! We wish we could spend more time up north with our family! Summer has just begun and I know we will have many more experiences to share with everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read about our lives, even though they are probably super boring to anyone but us. We love you! Love forever, Nick & Ashley

Catching Up

It's been about six months since I have posted to our blog... shameful. Life has been so busy since Nick and I started our new jobs, we never seem to have any down time.

Nick is really enjoying his job, he works with good people and he is treated extremely well. I am so thankful for his job, not only has it been a huge blessing for Nick to be working full time, but his company is now paying for his schooling, yay! Thank you Device Engineering Inc. for being so generous.

Not only is Nick working full time, but he is going to school full time in the evenings, it stinks. As grateful as I am for his wonderful job and him being able to go to school, I miss my husband. The only time we get to spend together is on weekends... and of course, with my line of work, I work Saturdays. So we only get Friday and Saturday nights and Sundays. We will make it through the rest of this semester!

As for me, life is going well. I am working a lot and loving it, most of the time. I enjoy my job, but I will admit, sometimes I get tired and irritable and then work is a source of annoyance, it's natural, or so I have been told.....

I love my job.

I am happy to announce.... wait for it.... no we're not pregnant... why does everyone jump to pregnancy when a couple says they have an announcement??? Anyway, back to our announcement, we have submitted our pre-approval application to buy a home! WHOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!! Hopefully the bank will get back to us soon so we can begin looking.

I do not know how to express the level of excitement both Nick and I are feeling when it comes to buying a place of our own... our own space... wow. Buying a home is an exciting thing. However, we have been living with my family for about a year now and we are SOOOOOO ready to have our own space... imagine, our own kitchen and living room, we'll have more than just a bedroom to call our own! I'm even looking forward to having my own space to clean, even though I don't like cleaning at my parents house. Strange.

I guess we don't have any other excitement going on in our lives right now... I'm sure something or other will happen and excitement will follow. But until then......

Goal One

Goal 1: To feel better about myself

I have a theory. My theory is that the reason I have a hard time truly accepting the good things that have come in to my life is that I do not truly value myself and therefore I am unable to value the good things/persons in my life or think people could value me as well...

So I am going to work on feeling better about myself and truly strive to find a love for the person my Father in Heaven has molded me to be.

Hard Honesty

It's strange for me to think that Nick and I have almost been married for 1 year. Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday we were telling each other how excited and anxious we were to finally be married and now it all seems like a dream. We were in a state of complete bliss, nothing bad could happen or shake our foundation.

I am eternally thankful for my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am thankful that Nick and I were married in the Temple and our family is forever.

As I look back on what we have experienced in our first year of marriage I realize how blessed we have been amid the trials we have endured.

I am thankful for a loving Father who has promised us blessings of love if we are obedient and faithful.

Truly feeling faithful has been a struggle for me lately...

So often I find myself waiting for the ground beneath my feet to crumble and leave me falling. I find my mind hosting thoughts of sadness and fear. I find myself worrying that the wonderful man my Father has blessed me to be eternally sealed to, my Nick, will decide that I am not the woman he wants to be with.

We have experienced pain and sorrow over these past 11months and I have found myself ever preparing, and not in a healthy way, for bad things to happen.

I am thankful for modern medicine and therapy that have allowed me to find perspective and are helping me work through my feelings of despair and loss. With that help I have noticed that I am not as close to my Father In Heaven as I once was. I miss the feeling of being completey and totally faithful. Knowing, without a doubt that I am watched over.

I know that my Father in Heaven knows and loves me. I know that my Savior sacrificed His life for me, that he took upon Himself all my pains and sorrows. And yet, I feel like I have failed them in some way. I feel as though I am making decisions without truly receiving answers, even though I have prayed for guidance and felt security in my choices.

I know this is a lot to put in a post, but I have ben hiding my fears for too long. I've been afraid that if people knew what I was feeling that they would think I'm not good enough, in many aspects.

In 8 days I am beginning a new journey full of change and desire. Nick and I have prayed and feel as though this is the path for us to take. But as I mentioned before, my mind keeps hosting thoughts of fear and doubt. I

I wish I was stronger and more like my husband, unwaivering in his faith.

For a time, and I'm not sure how long, I am going to track goals and accomplishments here. I am going to work harder and more diligently to find my faith and resecure my relationship with my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I am going to be a better wife, sister, daughter and friend.

Sassy's Cafe

For almost as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a Pastry Chef, in a professional kitchen designing and creating beautiful works of art with food. On October 31, 2009 I graduated from the Le Cordon Bleu culinary institute in Scottsdale, Arizona as a certified Pastry Chef. On October 24, 2011 my dream is coming true. I will be working as a pastry chef at Sassy's Cafe in Mesa, Arizona.

Thank you Geoff and Melody Larsen for making my dream come true.

Please visit the website to see what Sassy's Cafe is all about! We will be serving delicious food made with the highest quality ingredients! And if you are looking for someone to cater any event or create a delicious and beautiful wedding cake we are definitely the company you want to contact!

www.sassyscafe.com

I hope to see you all in the cafe soon!

Sassy's Cafe

Congratulations to my great friend Melody and her husband Geoff! They are opening their baker/cafe in Mesa, Arizona! I am so excited for them! Check out their website at www.sassyscafe.com!

Lalee Cakes Facebook page

In my last post I went on and on about how I am deleting my Facebook account. That is still happening. I have created a Facebook page for Lalee Cakes and plan on deleting my personal account. However, until I reach a fan base of 25 people on Lalee Cakes page I won't be able to delete my personal account. So PLEASE become a fan of my Facebook page for Lalee Cakes. You can get to my Facebook page my liking Lalee Cakes at www.laleecakes.blogspot.com.

Thanks Everyone!